I think we all can agree on the fact that we have all gotten our hearts broken at some point in our lives. Maybe once, maybe twice, maybe even a handful of times. It hurts, it is a completely different kind of pain. It's the kind of pain that can lead to two mindsets. The first being that love is worth the pain and that this heartbreak is just another step on the road to figuring out the person you are supposed to be with forever. The second being hopelessness and giving up on love altogether.
I have been in a couple of what I defined as serious relationships. And I 100% believe that there are different kinds of love and that I have experienced them. As I said in a previous post, I was the type of girl who found my identity in people who liked me, boyfriends, and even just friendships. I have been in love with the idea of love from the time that I was born. I dreamed of being in love and getting married. But no one ever really taught me about the heartbreak when it comes to putting yourself out there. I am pretty transparent, an open book some would say. I am sensitive and I wear my heart on my sleeve and that has led me to get hurt a lot, but I never gave up on the fact that my person was out there.
January of 2017 I went through a break up and was hurting. I told myself that I was sick and tired of not being good enough for anyone and said I was done trying to find my person. Which, was the wrong mindset in the first place. Anyway, I was done. I really dove into my personal relationship with God and was attending a couple of Bible studies and church twice a week. I felt like God was trying to fix my broken heart by showing me that His love was the only love I needed and I found myself happy to be alone for the first time in, well, ever. I stopped trying to find my person, but as God has a sense of humor, I ended up finding my person 6 months later.
A little backstory: Matt and I knew of each other. We went to the same high school, but he graduated (I think) three years ahead of me. In high school we talked maybe once maybe twice? Only due to the fact that we had mutual friends. He graduated and disappeared into thin air, or so it seemed. The summer after my freshman year of college, we were at a mutual friend's BBQ to celebrate the end of the school year. One of our friend's had told me that I should talk to him and cheer him up because he was going through some things that I won't share only due to the fact that that part isn't my story to tell. Anyway, we ended up talking throughout the night. Added each other on facebook and that was about it! I went off to be a camp counselor for half the summer and we never talked too much after that.
Fast forward to July 0f 2017. I had just gotten back from studying abroad in Italy and starting an internship with my church. The night of July 7th I had gotten a call from my twin sister, Jamie, asking if I would come and hangout with some of our friends. I told her that I didn't want to go because we had to get up super early in the morning to get ready for a family member's wedding, but she ended up convincing me anyway. Matt ended up being there too. You know that saying that if a boy likes you, he will pick on you? Well, that was 100% true for Matt. The first thing he said to me ended up being a sarcastic comment, go figure! Matt sarcastic?! Nooooo, never. We ended up talking for most of the night into the next morning. It's safe to say that I was very tired at the family member's wedding the next day. We ended up talking more and more and eventually went on our first date and clicking right away!
However, while we were in the talking stage, I was scared of him. I had been hurt a lot and I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met. I mean, I guess I wasn't scared of him, but more scared of getting hurt again. I made him wait about two months I think (?) before we were official. My relationship with God was stronger than it had ever been and it was a priority to me. I wanted to make sure we wanted the same things out of this before I made any big decisions. We had some pretty serious conversations right from the start and looking back on it, that was the smartest decision, I think, that we could've made. He told me, "I'm not here to waste your time." I made sure to let him know that I was dating to get married, not just to date for the fun of it and he wanted the same!
And here we are, almost two years later! Here comes the mushy gushy part so if you're not into that sort of thing then feel free to leave the page! You always talk about getting married and starting a family with whomever you are in a relationship with, but I have never pictured my future so vividly than the one that I picture with him. Things haven't always been perfect and I don't expect that they will be, but this relationship that I have with him is the closest thing to perfection that I have ever experienced. When they say that you should marry your best friend, they weren't lying. He is my best friend. I can be my hot mess self around him and he doesn't judge me, but loves me more for it. We fight and whatnot, but usually end up laughing and hugging during the middle of whatever stupid thing we were arguing about. He grounds me and gives me a reality check when I need it and I dare him to dream and push him when he needs it. We balance each other out and I think that is all anyone could ever hope for in a relationship. Wait for the person who challenges, supports and loves you all at the same time. It is 100% worth the wait, I promise. Heck, I wouldn't be making a public blog post about this guy if this wasn't the real deal, but it is! His family did an amazing job of raising this man because he is incredible. And I can't thank his family enough for being so welcoming to me.
To end, I am so thankful for all the heartbreak that I have been through and even the heartbreak that he has been through because without it, we wouldn't be where we are today. Together. We are so much better together.
Thank you all for reading my mushy gushy post about me finally finding my person.
XX,
Just Jenny
P.S. For those asking when we are going to get married, Matt told me to say, "It is like waiting for someone to ask you to the homecoming dance, except you don't know when the dance is!" But don't let him fool you, it has been a reoccurring topic of conversation lately and it'll happen when it's supposed to!
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