I think we all can agree that as we grow older, your social circle changes. Mine has grown incredibly small and this is my journey with being 100% okay with this.
Let's begin with high school. I have mentioned in previous posts that I didn't care so much about my grades as I did my social life. I NEEDED to be busy in order to feel included, wanted, etc. I HAD to have plans on the weekends, otherwise, I felt alone. And being alone was always my biggest fear. I was so insecure when it came to who I was that I didn't want anyone else to see that I was insecure and so I thought, what better way to hide it than to trick myself into thinking that if I was hanging out with people all of the time and if people wanted to be around me, then there was nothing wrong with me. I found my identity and my happiness in those who I surrounded myself with and, over time, that would really take a tole on me.
I had a lot of friends in high school. A lot of different friends from a lot of different friend groups. I wouldn't consider myself "popular" as some people would label it, I would say that I just had a desire to make everyone feel included, including myself. However, I did have a few people that I considered my best friends.
Although, looking back, most of these friendships were pretty toxic and there were red flags that I had never noticed before. The best piece of advice that I have ever heard, is watch and listen to how they treat the waiter/waitress. Which basically means just pay attention to how they treat people, in my opinion. I have watched some of my friends, treat people awfully and think "well they would never treat me like that." Wrong. They did treat me like that, I just made excuses for their behavior because I thought that I needed that friendship and when in reality, I didn't.
Presently, as I said, my social circle is small. And my high school self would look at that and say "well people don't like me and that's why I don't have a lot of friends anymore." False. I have a handful of really good friendships and then I have people that I talk to and catch up with once in awhile and maybe have coffee, talk about life, etc. Why? Because I have realized that I don't need people to make me feel whole and complete. I need God and I need myself. I know that sounds silly, but this fear of being alone, isn't necessarily a fear anymore, because I believe that once you get comfortable with yourself and you love yourself, you are 100% okay with spending time with yourself. And nowadays, you have to be careful with who you choose to spend your time and energy on because you will start to develop similar traits as them and that can either be really beneficial to you or really damaging for you. And that is pretty serious coming from me because I still have the attitude of wanting to be friends with everyone and to help everyone to feel included. I believe everyone deserves to feel loved and you should be an image of God's love to people, but that doesn't mean always forming friendships with them. I am one of those people that wants to believe that everyone is good down to their core, but honestly, they're not. That doesn't mean you treat them differently, it just means you have to distance yourself and watch how much time and energy you are giving these people. I have learned the hard way and I don't want anyone of you going through similar situations.
On a much lighter note, recently I have formed some really good and amazing friendships and I can't thank God enough for the people He has brought into my life recently. God placed an idea on my heart earlier this past year and this summer it became a reality. I started a Bible study for young adults and the relationships formed within this group, so this post is dedicated them. Sarah, Ally, Casey, Taylor, Blair and Andrew: thank you so much for taking a chance on this Bible study that Ally and I led together. I wouldn't have changed this summer with all of you (plus Matt and Jamie of course) for anything.
This post is also dedicated to my very best friend, my soul mate and soul sister, Rachel Jane Gischia. She is the person who taught me about what it means to be a good friend. She holds me accountable, she listens, she's smart and talented, creative and she is a light to everyone who comes into contact with her. God knew I needed her. We have been friends for a solid almost ten years and I think that is because we decided to grow up together and to be there for each other in every stage of each others lives. We don't need to talk every day, we don't see each other very often, but when we do it is as if nothing has changed. Her family is also one of a kind and they feel like my own. Her parents raised her family beautifully. I love her and her family more than they probably know.
Life isn't about having the most friends, it's about having a few good ones. Take to heart what I said. I don't regret any lesson I had to learn, but it would be easier if I could save you some heartbreak and pain and that's why I chose to write this.
If you need advice on this topic or perspective, slide into my DMs or if you have my number feel free to text me. I love when people reach out to me about my blog so feel free!!
As always thanks for reading!
XX,
Just Jenny