This, I know, can be a controversial topic. However, this is the biggest part of my life and I have gotten loads upon loads of questions about my faith and my story. So, I am just going to give the people what they want! Here goes nothing!
I was raised going to church. My dad was raised going to church, therefore, he wanted to raise his kids in the church too. Up until, I believe it was middle school, there was no question on if I wanted to go. Then, when it became my choice, I chose not to. However, every summer when I was in high school, Jamie and I went to church camp. That week out of the summer was the best week of my life. I was having fun and making memories and connections with my friends and others from all over Michigan. But what I didn't know was when I would have that connection with God that everyone talked about so enthusiastically.
My faith had always been important to me, but I never really understood what it meant until my senior year of high school. Senior year is the year that a lot of change happens. I encourage change, but I can't handle a lot of change in a short period of time. My senior year my boyfriend and best friend at the time broke up with me, I didn't know where I was going to college, and it was the first time my twin sister and I had really been separated. I didn't handle it well and I got really sad. I am a very social and happy person, but I stopped hanging out with my friends, going to school events, and I laid on my couch all the time and cried a lot. I knew I wasn't myself, so I asked if my mom could take me to a doctor who then diagnosed me with "situational depression," which was explained to me as a depression that comes and goes depending on how stressed out I get. He then immediately gave me medication. I am not a mental health expert, I am only relaying back what was told to me. Anyways, that scared me. I knew I wasn't this sad person, but I didn't know how to get back on track. My medication made me tired and I had no motivation to really do anything. However, I did put my emotions into my art, I painted a lot during that time which helped me to let go.
One day, as I was laying on my couch, I was just aimlessly scrolling through Pinterest. I then noticed a picture with scripture on it. Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul and guides me along the right path. For some reason that just came alive to me, I was mesmerized by it. I went and grabbed my Bible and looked it up and I then set that picture as my lock screen. I read that verse every single day in my Bible and whenever I would get on my phone. I then slowly started to ween off of my medication, started hanging out with my friends again, and went to school events. During the summer was when that verse really hit home for me.
It was my last week of church camp ever that summer and it was bittersweet. The counselors there became my family and my role models and I still talk to them to this day. My friends there I also considered my family and I have some of the strongest bonds with them to this day as well. But there was one incident that summer that really stuck out to me and really shaped my faith. She was younger than me and I have been given permission by her to tell this story. Her name is Shelby and we were in the same cabin that summer and we got along really well! It was during one of our activity times that we were just talking about life and whatnot when she "came out" to me. She said she was scared because she knew that that isn't the way that you're "supposed" to be. I hugged her and told her that God made her and God doesn't make mistakes and he loves her immensely because it's true!
Let's pause for a second. This is also a pretty controversial topic, and here is my view on it: I don't care if you are black, white, gay, straight, whatever. I love you just the same. God made you. He didn't make one better than the other and He doesn't make mistakes. I am not going to judge you or your lifestyle because that IS NOT my job as a Christian and I am sorry if you experienced otherwise.
Anyways, back to the main subject. At camp, within your cabin you're supposed to write each other. Letters, words of encouragement, whatever. I got a letter from Shelby and she had said that I am the most Godly woman she knows. And at that point my heart melted into a puddle because I felt so inadequate to be the most godly person that somebody knew. I didn't truly know what it meant to be Godly at that point in time. One of the last nights at camp, I was supposed to speak along with a couple of other seniors and give my testimony of how God has worked in my life up until that point. After I spoke, my counselors came up to me and said that I was meant to be a speaker and I sounded very pastoral. I laughed because I had never spoken and I thought the idea was silly. But from that point on, I told myself that I wanted to fulfill the expectations and standards of a Godly woman and I decided that when I went off to college I would find a church and a Bible study.
My freshman year of college I got baptized! I had joined a church on CMU's campus and was a part of two different Bible studies and just really was on fire for the Lord and in my own relationship with God and I was learning so much. Shortly after I became a camp counselor and developed a passion for youth and now I am working with the children's ministry at my church and going to school for leadership and ministry.
God has a sense of humor in the sense that He can take something that you say that you will never do and make it possible. I never thought that I would want to work with youth and work for a church, but it has become my dream and I have God to thank for that and for those around me who have planted those seeds for me.
Following God is what made me into the person I am today. Not to toot my own horn but it has turned me into a positive, kind, loving and empathetic person who just wants to be friends with everyone around me and has sparked a passion in me to teach children/youth about God's love because God's love saved me. This isn't me saying I am perfect because I am far from, I make mistakes and I screw up (there's a lot of details that I left out that I would love to share on a more personal basis if you would like to know), but that's what keeps me coming back to God. I know that I can't live the life I see for myself without Him. All I know is that I was made to love people. Just as Jesus does. To love people despite their flaws, their mistakes, whether they have hurt me or not, within the church and those outside of the church's walls, whether they know Jesus or not. That is why I have the desire to be friends with everyone because everyone deserves to feel loved.
"Because one day we will look straight into the eyes of Jesus Christ and suddenly the money and earthly possessions will be nothing but loss. On this day, the only thing worthy of His attention will be the way that we loved. On judgement day, will He know you as a close and loyal friend or a distant stranger? The Gospel is so urgent because to know Jesus is to know beauty, adventure, freedom, love and joy. To know Jesus intimately is the most valuable gift one can attain on this earth. Don't wait any longer, start living now."
Go out and tell someone that you love them today. Whether it be your spouse, your mom and dad, grandparents, a friend, anyone. Life is too short so make the most of the time that you have.
XX,
Just Jenny
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